Kickin the Habit

In the beginning it was there. A soother I told myself. A silencer in reality. Not that she cried a lot but when she did it worked and she held it in and she suffered from the second child syndrome. Something that I didn't get with Katie Jo I now had with Georgia. And I wasn't going to let the opportunity pass me by. Just for a few months I told myself.



A year passed and it's residence was no longer a rental. Now it was more a lease-to-own deal. We mostly kept it hidden except for naps and bed time and the occasional emergency. Only once did I find myself tearing into CVS, purchasing a pack without so much as a Hello to the cashier, and opening the package before the van door could slide open only to pop it into her mouth with no cause for concern over the absence of a rinse with boiling water.
Then there was the 18 month mark. Why did she still have it? Why did I care? What was it about this item? An item that finds itself onto the majority of registries. An item that so many moms depend on for a lock on their sanity. And then I realized that was it. Maybe I thought I was above the allure of the almighty pacifier. Why couldn't I be the mom that was able to control her crying child without the pacifier addiction. Maybe I had felt the pressure from others who looked down on it. Would it ruin her teeth? An overbite would be a certainty. Was I causing her a lifetime of ruin because she sucked on silicone attached to plastic with an indecipherable Chinese symbol painted in pink? I think not!And then as quietly as it entered our life it slipped away.

All because it wasn't the right color.

As I popped it in her mouth last Thursday evening she gingerly popped it back out, turned it over to check the color, realized it was orange and not pink, and laid it aside. See, these last few weeks she has only had the one in her paci bowl and it was pink. I guess she's a creature of habit and we didn't even know we were doing ourselves a favor.

So you many ask, "Has she done Ok without it?" Yes, much to my relief this has been easier than I could have dreamed. And there was the added stress of their visit out of town this past weekend. She hasn't so much as peeped when we've laid her down for naps and bedtime. It's almost as if it was never there in the first place. Which is why I realize now this was never about the concern for her but for myself.

I worried about how many nights we'd spend trying to get her down without it. How many days I'd have to spend during her nap time trying to soothe her. I was afraid. It's why at a dinner last week a friend and I whispered between ourselves among a table full of fellow moms about when we'd give "it" up. We both agreed the two year birthday seemed a doable goal. Yes, we agreed that would be the time to face our fears.

But that's kind of what mothering is all about: setting goals for your child. Whether it be potty training, riding a bike, going to college, marrying the perfect spouse. They don't always meet these goals in the time line we have for them but without a goal in mind we have nothing to work towards.

So when I pass that child with a pacifier in it's mouth in a baby carrier, a stroller, walking to kindergarten, will I judge? Nope because I'll know that that child's mother has a goal in her head of when that child should be able to go through life without the use of a pacifier. And I'll also know that that goal was passed long ago and several new ones had to be set. Just like me.